Model what you believe
As a parent, I learned early that kids model what you do – not what you say.
They see everything – and they’re always watching.
I haven’t modelled everything well for them – but I’m doing my best to take daily steps to develop my character and become the person I want to be – one whom I hope one day they will be proud of.
At the same time, we can’t be attached to what are kids choose to do – or not do – with what we model.
Easy to say, but at times, hard to do.
We are not defined by our kids – not by what they do – or who they choose to become.
I’ve never felt responsible for my kids grades – or their wins or their failures.
The good and the bad is on them.
I wouldn’t be so arrogant as to think that how they turned out is because of me – I don’t have that kind of power – and at the same time, to me, that thinking diminishes their efforts.
Our kids are their own beings, on their own journey – and like us – are free to make their own decisions.
We’re all influenced by our family and environment, but ultimately it’s up to each of us what we do with it.
Many examples have been illustrated showing two or more kids raised in the same environment, same family, and turning out completely differently.
That’s definitely true in my household. Same basic foundation and opportunities – very different choices and results.
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
That’s not to say that I don’t take responsibility for my parenting – I definitely do. And, yet, at 23 and 25 they’re young adults and are 100% responsible for what they are creating now.
I believe it’s my responsibility to keep providing the opportunities – and to keep modelling through my own day to day actions – but what they do with it is absolutely up to them.
Of course we would love for them to emulate all of the good stuff we believe and value – but they may choose not to – and that has to be ok.
We may not like it, but it has to be okay.
Like anything in life, just keep planting the seeds, fertilize, water and one day you may reap a harvest – or not.
But we also don’t quit just because one year the crop didn’t grow. You begin again, ensuring your foundation is right – the soil is fertile – and then put your head down and start planting seeds again.
Continue to lead through example.
Parenting requires a lot of persistence, a lot of unconditional love, a lot of humility, and a lot of surrender to a higher power.
It also requires the willingness to see people or things differently, a willingness to go within and do your own work – and a willingness to admit when you’re wrong – because a lot of mistakes can be made in the birthing and raising of these beautiful beings, despite our best efforts!
My kids are without a doubt my greatest teachers and I am so very grateful to have the honour of being their mom – on the “good” days and especially on the “bad” days – where I’m tested and I get to grow the most.