You can't just sit up on the mountaintop

I’ve taken a little self imposed “sabbatical” throughout the past 2 years. 

It started out about 5 years ago as I slowly removed myself from social media and social events, consuming myself with work and fulfilling someone else’s dreams; all whilst trying to understand business better so I could somehow fix why all “healers” seemed to be broke and why I had created such a financial mess in my own life.

Then 2 years ago I went completely MIA, leaving work and choosing to have extremely limited social contact outside of my family.

The trees and the birds were my new friends.

My life prior to this extended sabbatical was pretty full on, jumping from event to event, very social, committed to the personal development circuit and diving deep into rediscovering myself post-divorce.

My intentions for disappearing were good. I wasn’t happy with who I was becoming and knew I had to work on me and get to the root cause of the recurring patterns as well as the anger, judgement and resentment. It was also not uncommon for me to dip when I would get into a slump, so not to inflict others with my negativity.

Naturally, as I was doing the energetic work, some people and situations changed or went away because we were no longer a vibrational match – I was now “tuned” to country, while they were still “tuned” to rock’n roll. 

When the pandemic hit and “quarantining” and “social distancing” were being “encouraged” – I wasn’t impacted in the least. I had already set up my life like that. Nature. Walking. Yoga. Meditating. Reading. Spiritual studies. Contemplation. 

Isolation. My mountaintop.

This week for the first time in 2 years, I participated in a live, online group program and had the opportunity to work with real, live, actual human beings. It was really awesome experience AND it brought up lots of old “gunk.” 

It’s like a giant flashlight beamed down to show me what I get to work on next. My triggers showed up. Old voices and insecurities chimed in. Things that I thought I was at peace with, suddenly resurfaced. 

ALL GOLD. All beautiful opportunities and realizations from just a little intentional human interaction – which was definitely not found on the mountaintop.

What I did observe, however, was that instead of getting caught up in the stories, I quickly moved to being the witness – I was the one behind the eyes – watching everything play out, noticing my feelings and internal reactions, and doing some conscious breath work to build circuitry in real time.

To my “surprise,” it’s actually through interacting with people and putting yourself in new situations where you have the greatest opportunity to grow and work on your stuff – and awaken – which is part of why we’re all here in the first place.  Who knew? Lol. 

I laugh at this journey we’re on, and thankfully – for the most part – I really do take it lightly. I love this game and I love putting all of these pieces together. I am a humble student of Life. 

I learn and grow each day, and yet I am constantly reminded of how little I actually do know. In my own strange way, that’s super exciting to me. 

Good thing we are eternal beings